This is a follow-up of sorts to the post I wrote last Tuesday about swearing.  We’ve all had this experience…  we are shopping along in our favorite store when a nearby parent decides to start cussing their child.

My wife was in Target last week looking for something in the chip aisle.  She was distracted from her grocery list when a nearby mother yelled at her young child, “Get over here or I’ll beat your ###!”  This mother got the attention of my wife and three or four other moms that were on the aisle.

She proceeded to tell her five or six year-old daughter to get a certain kind of chip.  The child went to the area where they should be but couldn’t find them.  The mother stormed over to her in disgust and said, “This kind of ####### #### really ###### me off.”  She snatched up her chips, grabbed up her kid and was gone.

Don’t you know that those hateful, abusive words just stabbed that sweet little child right in her heart.  I don’t know how as a parent you justify in your mind using that kind of language and pouring that kind of hate out on your children over a bag of chips, or anything for that matter.  If that is how she behaves in public I hate to imagine what life at home must be like.

There is a part of me that prays that this mother had just been pushed beyond her limit at some point that day and was having the worst day ever and would not normally speak to her child in this way.  But the sad reality is that parents all around the world are killing the innocence, sweetness and beauty of their precious children with venomous, thoughtless, hateful words.  When I hear parents speaking to their children, especially little children, in this manner it just makes me want to grab that adult, shake them and say ‘Stop it!’

Let me get this out of the way, I am definitely not a saint.  Have I lost my temper with my girls?  Of course.  Have I ever sworn at them? Absolutely not!  Have I ever screamed at them or said hateful things? Definitely not.  Have I ever raised my voice?  Yes, there are times when a stern correction is necessary.  Some days parenting is exhausting and it feels like the 5 year-old and the 1 year-old have joined forces to push us well beyond the breaking point.  But there is nothing, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, that justifies the hatred and anger that I see some parents spewing out on their children.

Most everyone who reads my blog posts knows that I am a youth minister.  Let me tell you what this little girl from Target will most likely look like in her teenage years, if her mother doesn’t drastically change her ways.  She will be desperate for the affection, love and approval that she didn’t get from her mother and she will go to perilous lengths to get it from boys, girls or anyone who will give it to her.  She will be among the large number of teenagers who use prescription pills, alcohol or other drugs to numb the pain.  She will be among the countless teenagers, both boys and girls, who cut themselves so that the physical pain can drown out the emotional pain.  She might even be among the tragically high number of teens who kill themselves because they can no longer deal with the daily pain that is tearing them apart inside.

By the grace of God, some children are able to move beyond the pain and hurt they grew up with and live beautiful lives and are a blessing to so many.  Tragically the majority of these children wind up dealing with these issues for the rest of their lives.  All too often the cycle perpetuates itself when the child grows up and treats their children in the same way.

There isn’t much a stranger at the store can do.  If my wife were to have said something to this woman she would have probably just gotten cussed out, perhaps slapped, or maybe made things worse for the child by making the mom even angrier.  The real people who can bring about change are the people who are in the lives of those who are making such tragic choices.

Maybe you’re married to someone who uses hateful language against the children, it’s time to shut it down.  Perhaps you are a grandparent and you see your grandchildren being treated this way.  Your parenting role isn’t over until you’re dead, so you better do whatever it takes to bring an end to this abuse.  Maybe you have friends who treat their children this way.  It’s up to you as a friend to use your influence and confront this person about their behavior.  Help is out there, resources aplenty are available through schools, churches and other organizations.  Take a stand!  Get some help.

I believe there is also a challenge here for Christians.  In Titus 2 we find that older women are to “urge the younger women to love their husbands and children.”  Any parent knows that raising children can be mentally and physically exhausting.  Mature Christian women can help mentor and encourage younger women to break the cycle of abuse, exercise self-control, and love their children.  As a church, we can offer a better way to families that are hurting, broken and looking for hope.  It takes more than simple belief to change the world, it takes acts of love, kindness and mercy.

Dads and moms must be careful with the words they say to their children.  We all know the old saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.”  We all recognize that saying is completely false.  Our words can make a life-long impact for good or for bad in the hearts and minds of our children.  There are all sorts of tragedies in this world that we live in.  Parents who spew this kind of vitriol is something that we can all work to bring an end to.

One of the best things you can do for your family is spend some time studying the Bible with them.  This week our family worship series continues in Genesis 20 where we find Abraham lying again.  God didn’t whitewash the events of the Bible and provides examples of failure along with success.  Spend some time with your family studying this text and talking about the subject of lying >>>> Week 13 – Faith of Abraham – Part 10

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