The topic of cyberbullying resonated with many readers and especially with the high school and junior high class I teach at church.  I teach the material from these blog posts on the following Sunday at church.  (No reason to waste my good effort.)  I think the topic resonated because so many parents remember getting picked on growing up and worry about their kids today.  For the kids, bullying is a part of life.  Today we are going to take a look at the issue from a different perspective and share a few more things you can do to help your kids…

A Lesson From Chickens

Pretty much everyone who reads this blog knows that we have backyard chickens.  (You can see live video of them here.)  Chickens are amazingly entertaining and their social hierarchy is pretty easy to discern.  This past week there was an interesting blog on the NY Times website that has an application for our topic today.

NY Times reader Ellen Chase submitted an article about her chickens titled, “What a Blind Chicken Can Teach Us About Humanity.”  Ellen and her husband John moved back to southern New Hampshire for their retirement and decided to get 12 chicks for their farm.  By the time the hens were a year old they realized that one of the chickens was blind.

Common logic would tell us that this hen didn’t last long in the world of animals.  That wasn’t the case.  Every day a different hen would stay with the blind chicken, helping her forage for food and maintain awareness about predators in the sky or nearby.  When the blind chicken would go into the roost before sunset another hen would go with her.  But not every chicken was so kind to the blind hen.

In a flock of chickens there is a pecking order.  Even in a group of all hens (female chickens) there is an alpha and an omega, or a first and last.  The blind chicken was not the omega.  The chicken at the bottom of the pecking order would often lash out at the blind chicken in random, unprovoked, and merciless attacks.  The rest of the chickens would fly to the defense of the blind chicken when the attacks would occur.

Every once in a while you will run into a kid who is just plain mean.  But for the most part bullying comes out of a position of insecurity and weakness.  A shattered home life without the security of loving parents is quite often a primary factor.  Other times a home with parents who are too busy with careers or hobbies can be a contributing factor.  Teaching our children the root cause of bullying can sometimes help to defray the impact of the damage.

There is another lesson from the blind chicken.  That blind hen would not have survived long without a friend to help in foraging, navigating, and defense.  We need to raise children who are friends to those who need a friend.  It is easy to be a friend with someone who is popular, but being a friend to someone who really needs one is a blessing.

I Learned By Watching You

If you’re a parent, are you guilty of cyberbullying?  There are countless cases of parents setting up fake profiles and harassing kids online who are harassing their child.  This is shameful and immature behavior and has led to suicides and jail time.  But do your children see you engaged in other forms of bullying?

Facebook is a wonderful resource for sharing and keeping in touch.  But when the topic turns to religion or politics, things can get heated.  How many times have you seen an argument erupt in the comments section of a post?  That is a no win situation.  I have never heard of anyone who was swayed by a Facebook post or a heated discussion in the comments section.  But people still get wrapped up with the need to be right and push their point at the risk of appearing like a bully or a ‘hot head’ to the outside observer.  There is a time and a place for standing for what is right but online arguments are a folly.  And even worse, a child watching a parent embroiled in an online argument could be learning a damaging lesson.

Need another example of adults behaving badly?  Just look to the continually unfolding saga of NFL player Richie Incognito.

Helpful Tips

Here are a few more practical tips to help with an issue that your children will surely deal with whether they are at school, on a sports team, or even at church…

• My parents taught me to just ignore a bully.  Most times this is good advice.  The vast majority of bullying is done to illicit a reaction.  Cyberbullying has changed this a bit, but it is still fair advice.
• Why does a 13 year-old need an iPhone?  Kids with unfiltered access to technology are more often bullied or the bully.  It is challenging for someone so young to deal with such powerful technology.
• Facebook has a minimum age limit of 13.  Most parents would be ill-advised to allow their child unchecked access to social media in middle school.  Issues range from computer viruses and scams through predators and bullying.  Find the right age for your kids and guide their social media presence as they launch out.
• Talk with your child.  The class Sunday was one of the best discussions we have had in a long time.  Your kids will open up about this subject if you approach it with wisdom.  Don’t wait for bullying to be an issue with your child before you have a discussion about it.

Thanks to all who shared the previous post on this subject and for all who have had a dialog with their children about this very important topic.  Bullying is a symptom of the bigger issues we must we must address.

Family Worship Series

The family worship guide is finally back this week after things have calmed down.  This week we look the encounter between Elijah and the prophets of Baal >>> Week 46 – Elijah and the Prophets of Baal