A few days ago, our little niece was over at our house playing with our oldest daughter.  The two girls are about 8 months apart in age and are best buds.  They play and have fun like sisters, they also fight like sisters sometimes do.

We were out on the driveway on a beautiful day.  The girls were playing and having a great time.  They were each on a scooter wheeling around, laughing and having fun.  Our daughter suggested that they should race down the driveway, her cousin was not interested.  And so it began…an argument.  Our five year-old’s countenance fell, her eyebrow furrowed, and a big mean frown showed up on her face.  And then came the words, “You’re not my friend anymore!” and she stomped off.

Well of course her cousin didn’t like that and she started to cry.  Kids do these things.  My wife sat the girls down and talked with them both.  She told our daughter it is not nice to tell people that they are not your friend, especially when you really love them.  My wife told our little niece that our daughter didn’t mean what she said, she really loves her, and sometimes people say things they shouldn’t.  Our daughter apologized, the girls hugged and all was well in the world.

Two silly cousins that love each other very much.

Two minutes after that argument is when I took the photo that is in this post.  The girls were best buds again and had started cleaning up the mess they had made in our daughter’s room.  It was about the silliest time of cleaning I have ever seen.  You would have never known that just a few minutes ago they had said they would never be friends again.

Many times in life, we have disagreements with people that start over very minor things.  A miscommunication, a mistake, or just simply a wrong impression.  Many times, email or other non-personal communication makes these issues much bigger than they really are.

It would be great if adults could mend friendships as easily as small children can.  Too often our pride gets in the way of admitting we were wrong or that we simply have different view points.  Sometimes in the name of ‘being right’ we act as immaturely as small children.

Here are three things I have learned over the years in dealing with challenging situations:

1 – Never respond to an angry or accusation filled email with a written reply.  Insist on a face to face conversation or at least a phone call.  If the other party refuses to meet, you should drop the matter.  It must not be that important to them if they are unwilling to take time to communicate with you in a meaningful manner.

2 – If there is a person that you find especially challenging to deal with, keep them in front of you everyday and purpose to think a positive thought about them.  Perhaps write their name somewhere that it can be seen or put their photo up somewhere.  Many people use pictures of their enemies as target practice, why not challenge yourself to make that person a target of your kindness.

3 – Brush off nameless criticism.  In my years as a minister I have received a few anonymous notes and even an anonymous piece of mail or two.  (They weren’t love letters…quite the opposite in fact.)  Anyone who is unwilling to put their name with their words is saying things they are unwilling to stand behind, so you should pay them no attention.  File that information in the trash can, where it belongs, and move on.

Above all things, be willing to forgive and forget.  I know any number of grudges and gripes that are absolutely pointless.  Too many husbands and wives who have said, “I forgive you” but continue to hold onto hard feelings.  Too many divorced parents who have allowed their hate for each other to become a detriment to their children.  Too many family members who have been angry with each other so long that they really can’t remember what the issue was to begin with.

Click image to download family worship guide.

Young children can teach us many valuable lessons if we are willing to learn.  Their soft and tender hearts are willing to listen to instruction and counsel.  They easily learn lessons that many adults block out.  Jesus taught us a powerful lesson when He put a child in the midst of a group of adults and said, “Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.” (Matthew 18:3-4 ESV)

Want to learn more about people who didn’t get along?  Our family worship series is about two women who wound up hating each other – Sarai and Hagar.  Take a look at the study and spend some time in the Bible with your family this week >>> Week 8 – Faith of Abraham part 5

BONUS: Dale Jenkins wrote an excellent post yesterday titled, “Why So Angry?”  That post along with the incident with the girls was my catalyst for writing this article.  You will be blessed if you take a moment to read Dale’s thoughtfully written post.