I don’t usually post on the blog on Thursdays but these thoughts have been running through my head and I wanted to share them.  Feel free to share your thoughts or opinions in the comments section at the end of the post…

The Voice In Your Head

I am horrible at mountain biking.  Over the years I have had numerous accidents on bike trails, including one time where I was ejected from my bike and suspended in a briar bush.  Ouch!  The problem is all in my head.  When coming to a tricky section of trail, like a narrow gap between trees, I would think, “Don’t hit that tree.  Don’t hit that tree. Don’t hit that tree.”  As you probably guessed, my pessimistic thoughts would drive me straight into the tree.

The mindset of a dad can have a similar impact on the family.  A voice of doubt, pessimism, and negativity in your head can lead to failure, heartache, and diminished capacity.  I believe it is natural for most parents to second guess their decisions and abilities, but keeping a positive dialog in your thoughts will help you reach your objective.  Instead of letting your thoughts doom you to failure, allow them to encourage you to success.

Positive Words

Our words can be a powerful force.  The positive or negative impact of the words we say to our children can last for decades.  I believe that dads especially need to weigh the impact that their words will carry.  Please tell me that I am not the only man who has said something that they wish could be shoved back in their mouth the second after they say it.  Rarely in life do we get such a chance to ‘rewind’ the words that we have said, so thought and discernment are critical.

Jon Acuff often writes about the power that words can carry, especially words of criticism.  “Critic math” works like this: 1 criticism + 1,000 compliments = 1 criticism.  The impact of our words can be long-lasting so weigh them out carefully.  There is a time for correction but a dad must remember that his words might be carried with their child for a lifetime.

We can help our children grow by addressing issues from a positive perspective.  I still vividly remember a conversation my Dad initiated with me about overcoming shyness.  It could have been a negative experience (i.e. – Why don’t you talk to people?, etc) but instead it was a positive life-changing conversation.  Using positive examples from his own life regarding his own struggles with shyness my Father made an impact on my life that I think about almost daily.

Positive Presence

At school events I tend to look around to see how many dads are in the room.  At meet the teacher night I sat in our daughter’s classroom with my wife, a room full of moms, and one other dad.  At the last PTA meeting the ratio of moms to dads was about 10 to 1.  I often think, where are all the other dads?  I give them the benefit of the doubt, assuming they are home with younger siblings ‘holding down the fort.’  But in reality they are probably at home because they feel that school is “mom’s job.”

Children need and deserve a mom and dad who are present.  Being there isn’t quite enough though.  Too many times parents tune out their children and tune in their iPhone or the TV.  Children want and need the positive presence of an engaged father and mother.  At whatever age your children are, they have a unique perspective on life and a creativity that will be a blessing to you if you’ll just stop and pay attention.

My wife and I have worked together to make decisions about our careers that achieve a happy balance between providing for the physical needs of our family and allowing us to be present at home.  There will be material things that our children will want but not have, but they will not be wanting for the love and attention they really need.  We have made it a priority to be a positive presence in the lives of our children.

Positive Affection

When I first found out we were having a girl, I was somewhat disappointed.  But that disappointment was actually a cover for the fear I was feeling.  I’m a guy.  I know guy things.  And sometimes women seem like they are from another planet.  Having a girl has been a great learning experience and a blessing.  So much so, that when our second child was a girl I was relieved because I had grown very comfortable with raising girls.

Children need positive affection from their dad, but I believe girls especially need extra care and attention from dad.  Boys connect with their dads through doing manly things.  Girls, although they might enjoy doing manly things with their dad, also need the loving touch of their daddy.  Holding hands, snuggling to read a book, and kisses on the cheek are very important.  (Just as important is a daddy that shows mommy the love and respect that she is due whether children are watching or not.)  Positive affection will insure that your daughter is never left to wonder what a real man is.

Final Thought

You are the best dad your children will ever have!  You can either fixate on your flaws, shortcomings, and things you don’t know OR stay busy learning about your children and loving on them.  Of course part of parenting is discipline, so don’t miss that aspect of raising children, but even discipline can be done in a positive and constructive manner.  Never forget the power of being a positive dad.

Have any thoughts or comments to share?  Please do so below.  Also, if you have enjoyed what you read please consider sharing it using one of the buttons below.

If you enjoyed this post you might like “A Lesson From My Mother-in-Law” or my series on “Raising Good Kids In An ‘R-rated’ World.”  Thanks for reading!