Time and again throughout the ‘Raising Good Kids’ posts we have looked at how media presents new and unprecedented challenges for parents and kids.  These new challenges are clearly evident in the blight of cyberbullying.

From The Headlines

FLORIDA – “Yes, I bullied Rebecca, and she killed herself but I don’t give a f***.”  Those are the chilling words a 14 year-old suspect in the Rebecca Sedwick case posted on Facebook after learning of Sedwick’s suicide.  Polk County Sheriff Grady Judd said his office had already been building a case against the 14 year-old and a 12 year-old, but the callous comment forced deputies into making arrests sooner than planned.  Court documents implicate as many as 15 girls ganging up on Sedwick in person and online and terrorizing her for months.  What started the bullying?  The 14 year-old suspect began dating Rebecca’s ex-boyfriend and felt the need to demoralize Sedwick.

MARYLAND – Eleven students are facing punishment at Annapolis High School for their involvement in the harassment of a fellow student.  The incident involved one student taking a picture of another student without their knowledge or permission.  The photo was then sent by text message with a comment to several other students.  The photo was eventually posted on a social media site where several other comments were made.  The students involved in the case face punishment ranging from office referrals to expulsion based on their level of involvement.

The students could also face criminal charges under House Bill 396 that went into effect on October 1.  The legislation is also known as “Grace’s Law” named after 15 year-old Grace McComas who committed suicide in April 2012 after repeated and vicious online harassment by a neighbor.  The school or the victim could contact police to get a formal criminal investigation started.  A conviction for the misdemeanor would carry a penalty of up to a year in prison and a fine of up to $500.  The incident took place on a Monday and school officials had taken action and notified parents by the close of business on Tuesday.

Common Factors

In my observation, there seem to be two common factors in cyberbullying cases.  Broken homes and unrestricted access to technology.  Good or bad, reporters dig into the lives of the people involved in these headline making cases of cyberbullying.  What they often, but not always, find are homes that are in disarray and undisciplined.  Parents of those involved often have no clue what their child has been up to online.  Many times bullying is the worst for students in the junior high or middle school age range.  Understanding the implication of words and actions, especially online, is simply challenging for this age range of children.

What Can You Do?

As I have mentioned before, my own children are not old enough to have faced these issues.  But I have been a youth minister for ten years and have been closely involved with parents as they struggle with their children to face the new challenges that technology can bring.

Talk with your kids.  Most teenagers don’t like to talk with their parents, but it is essential for parents to engage their children.  Try to avoid the ‘pop quiz’ type of conversation where you are grilling and probing kids for information.  Volunteer stories about your day or your childhood to try to get conversation going.  Engage in conversation daily so it doesn’t seem forced or probing.

Watch for warning signs.  Kids will often change their behavior if something is going wrong.  Possible changes include drastic changes in sleep patterns or eating habits.  Additionally the personality of your child might shift drastically.  Parents should also watch for signs of cutting,  rubbing, or self mutilation.  Many teens attempt to drown out their emotional pain with physical pain and will cut themselves or rub their skin until it bleeds.  Long sleeves are often used to cover this activity.

Monitor technology.  Every family will find their own method for monitoring tech devices and  usage.  Parents must be active in looking through cell phones, observing usage patterns, and monitoring computer usage.  One note from a parent I know.  As schools start using online technology for assignments, kids are messaging each other via school networks and online classroom portals.  Make sure to keep an eye on communications in this area as well.

Clearly communicate expectations.  Too many kids have access to powerful technology before they are able to grasp the long-term implications of their actions.  Make sure your kids know specifically what you expect of them in regards to technology.  As a parent, make sure you are aware of the latest policies for your school district and state regarding online activity.  As demonstrated in the Maryland case, even an online comment on an unsolicited photo can land a teen in serious trouble.  Some states are also researching penalties for parents in cyberbullying cases.  Make sure your children know that there is zero tolerance for bullying behavior.

Love your kids!  I think everyone was picked on at some point when they were growing up.  I was picked on because I had a prominent birthmark on my forearm.  Kids will find the smallest thing and sometimes be merciless.  One of the best things you can do as a parent is provide overwhelming love at home.  The love of family, trusted friends, and God can help teenagers see past the hardships of today.

Know when to take action.  There might come a time when it is necessary to step in to help your child.  Don’t hesitate in reaching out to school administrators or other officials with concerns about issues at school or with classmates.  As the Maryland case points out, most school officials will act quickly to address bullying issues, especially online threats.  The attitude of administrators and lawmakers is quickly catching up to the severity of the cyberbullying issue.

Final Thought

Being a teenager is tough.  It is an awkward time filled with change, learning, and sometimes serious consequences.  It seems that social media and technology have made it even more challenging for some.  The love and involvement of a father and mother are timeless though.  Throughout the struggles of various generations, faithful, attentive, loving parents have helped to guide their children through the challenges of the day.  Love your children every day and the difficulties of today will pass.

Family Worship Series

I’m running a bit behind today.  The family worship series will be added to this post by 5pm CST today.